When Nothing is Working

(FYI: Before you read this I just wanna say this post is super random and I usually take days to write a post and I wrote this in an hour. Not sure who this is for or if it’s just for me, or if it even makes sense for that matter, but I felt I had to put it out there, so here goes…)

Hey guys! After a long hiatus, (which I absolutely promise will never happen, ever again) I am finally back. This summer has been a mix of emotions. On one hand, I had a great summer. I took a fabulous vacation and had the time of my life. When not on vacation, I spent my days babysitting and my evenings tutoring elementary-aged kids. This led to a very laid-back, over all amazing summer. However…

Things weren’t entirely perfect because always in the back of my mind was the burning question, “What’s going to happen this fall when summer’s said and done?”

The reason I was so concerned about this for the first time in my life was because I just graduated college last year and I thought the job-finding process would be much easier than it has been. Despite sending out tons of resumés, I still have absolutely no leads in the field I received my degree in. Thus, the anxiety and stress levels in me have been sky-high. I’ve contemplated everything over and over, used different approaches to solve my problem; try harder, give up, be patient and wait, etc…. none of it’s worked.

I feel I also must say I’ve spent all summer learning about the Law of Attraction. If you aren’t familiar with the concept, it’s basically the belief that we are all energetic beings constantly vibrating out a frequency with our thoughts and beliefs. What we think, aka the energy we put out there, is what we get back. Because I believe so strongly in this, I wanted to use the Law of Attraction to attract the right job and a larger income into my life. I listen to Abraham Hicks Law of Attraction videos all the time and I make sure to meditate at least once a day, among other various things, to stay aligned. I believe that over the past six or so months that I’ve been actively practicing the Law of Attraction, I’ve been putting a good-vibe frequency out into the universe, but despite all my efforts and high desires, there have been no results in the job area, which obviously has led to a great deal of frustration (and maybe some cursing and tears, too…).

The only reason I haven’t given up on the Law of Attraction is because I can clearly see how it has worked for me in the past, with lots of different aspects of my life. I know without a doubt I attracted certain things and I can clearly look back now and see how I did it. Therefore, since I know LOA works, I have finally come to the conclusion that just maybe a full-time lead teacher position isn’t for me, at least not yet. You see, I love teaching, but my love of teaching kids has always come second to my love for writing. My ultimate dream is to be a writer, through blogging, self-help writing, and writing novels.

My mindset during and right after college was, “I’ll teach for a few years and write on the side, until I know without a doubt this writing thing is gonna work out.” Sounds like a perfect plan, right?! I had this whole plan figured out – or so I thought. But now, I’m looking around and I have neither teaching job nor am I writing consistently. (Not surprisingly, my stress has left me lacking in the inspiration department.) I’ve always been able to manifest jobs effortlessly in the past, I always got the exact position I wanted, when I wanted it, which is why this has been such a defeating and frustrating struggle for me. Why can’t I just manifest the freaking thing?! Is it too much to ask, Universe?!

Buttttt….If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the Law of Attraction, it’s that if I’m not getting something I think I want, then the only conclusion is that I am not aligned with it, I’m not on the same vibrational frequency as it. I know that because I’m not getting any of these jobs that I’m not aligned with them, and maybe, just maybe…that’s a good thing? Dare I say that just maybe I’m not being given any of these jobs because there’s something bigger and better out there for me? Maybe taking a full-time teaching job would put my bigger dreams on the back burner because I’d get too busy being caught up in the duties that come along with teaching?

I know a lot of my resistance, and therefore feeling stuck where I am with no other choices, comes from pride. I felt I had to get a lead teaching job so as not to disappoint those closest to me, and not getting one made me feel like a failure. But now, I am choosing to not care what they think about my decisions anymore. I can’t. The pressure of pleasing others is taking up too much of my valuable energy. While it’s true I have to make an income, who’s to say I have to do it being a lead classroom teacher in a public school right now? Maybe another job would give me the freedom to write more, and help me prepare for the dreams I ultimately want, which is to move out of state and become a full-time writer.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you (I’m talking to myself too) don’t have to stay stuck. You don’t have to follow the opinions of what others think you should do. If you feel resistance about going forward with something, it’s for a reason. Only YOU know what is right for you. Nobody else, no matter how important or experienced they may be in what they do, could possibly know all of your desires or the best way for you to get to where you want to be, but your inner being does. Follow your inner being’s guidance!

The main thing my inner being keeps telling me is to continue to meditate daily (it’s now non-negotiable, I’ve finally realized I don’t have time to not meditate), and then and only then, to follow the next impulse that comes, no matter how random or illogical it may seem. I don’t have to see the whole picture to move forward, which was the detrimental belief that was paralyzing me from moving forward all summer. Eventually, enough next right steps taken one at a time will take me very far. I just have to keep moving. You have that same connection to your inner being too, that same inner guidance is always available to you. You just have to get quiet your mind enough to hear that guidance.

Trust me, I know it’s easier said than done. It’s much easier to just keep living life the way you have always done instead of doing the internal work that makes real, lasting change. It’s a never-ending effort that must happen daily. It’s not like you eventually earn you spiritual degree and then never have to work on yourself again. Like your physical body, you have to continually maintain upkeep of your mental and spiritual health as well. But trust me, the work is so worth it.

I know I’ve had a hard time lately but I’ve been through so much worse before. I overcame a freaking panic disorder! There used to be days where I’d beg for a struggle like the one I have now if it meant I could just feel normal in my body for once. I literally couldn’t go anywhere for roughly five years without feeling like I was dying. Since I overcame that, I know I got this too. And you can too. I know if you’re still reading this you’ve been through some shit that you came out of, and whatever you’re going through now, whether it be anxiety, depression, feeling lost/stuck/broken/unworthy/hopeless, whatever it is, you can and will get through, and you will be so much better having gone through it than you ever would’ve been without it. I can honestly say that even as shitty as it was, I would never in a million years take back my anxiety disorder because of what it taught me and where it led me, and I know I’ll feel the same way about this challenge someday too.

I’m going to keep writing everyday. I’m not giving up on this blog or the books I want to write just because something else in my life isn’t working. If anything, this gives me more inspiration and time to write. My dreams mean too much to me to let them die. Don’t let your dreams die, either. If you have something holding you back, let me know. I’ve overcome a five-year long panic disorder and would love to help, so don’t hesitate to reach out if you need some guidance.

This post was super random to me, but I felt compelled to write it. I don’t really know what else to say, so on another note, please keep checking back for new posts, as I will definitely be spending a lot more time on here! And as always, much love and light your way.

Kara ❤

 

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