Keeping Faith through Discomfort

Compared to who I was even just a year ago, I am totally changed. I no longer wake up in the morning fearing how bad my anxiety is going to be that day, or wondering in what physical way anxiety is going to manifest itself in my life. However, every now and then, anxiety tries to sneak its way in. Since I am easily able to spot anxiety for what it is now, it often uses various disguises in hopes that I won’t catch onto it until it’s too late. One of the most common disguises anxiety uses with me comes through the form of dread.

Dread has been a prevalent feeling throughout my life. Even as a young child I remember always dreading some future event. Only within the past year or so have I realized that dread is an extension of anxiety.

I often dread doing simple things, like going to the grocery store, going to the bank, or making a work related phone call. (Thankfully no longer because I’m worried about having a panic attack while I do them, which used to be a daily reality). I also dread bigger things like starting a new job, events where I’ll be doing some public speaking, or long-term planning for my future.

Whenever I start to feel dread within me, along tags its best friend avoidance. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve sabotaged my own mental health because I put off tasks until the last second possible because I felt a sense of dread toward doing them.

After a minor inner breakdown I experienced recently because of issues I caused myself through avoiding important tasks I needed to complete, I finally stopped and reflected.

I went back to the root of the problem and I asked myself, “Why am I avoiding these things? Where is this feeling coming from?”

I quickly saw that these seemingly simple tasks caused immense dread within me. I then asked myself why I was feeling so much dread. What is it about these tasks that makes me feel so anxious that I avoid doing them altogether?

I came to the conclusion that it’s not even that I am afraid of these tasks themselves.
Like I said, I’ve worked really hard toward my mental health and I no longer fear having a panic attack or getting sick all the time when out in public. It simply comes down to not feeling like putting in the work to do these things.

This isn’t the real me, though. The real me, my true inner self, wants the best for me and thus, wants me to get stuff done. Instead it is my ego (you might think of the ego as the devil) holding me back, keeping me lazy and complacent, because it doesn’t want me to move forward anytime soon in my life. And why? Because if I did, it knows that each time I faced a task that I ‘dread’ doing, I would get closer to completing God’s will for my life, and it obviously doesn’t want that to happen. So it sends dread to me, in hopes to prevent me from reaching out to fulfill my calling.

I understand this now, and it’s always nice to bring this truth back into my awareness. However, the discomfort and dread is still there. So I have created a list of four things to remember when I need to accept the discomfort and move through it, rather than around it. To be honest, there really is no way around discomfort if you ever want to get anywhere significant in life. Every time you try to go forward, it will keep popping back up through different people or situations. So, you might as well go through it now! Now is all we ever really have anyway.

 

1. Stay connected. I cannot stress this enough. I know when we are being challenged the only thing we usually want to do is lay in bed, curl up into a ball and forget about the hard stuff coming our way. The last thing we feel like doing is taking time to pray or meditate. However, these are the very things we need and the only things that will get us us back on track.

On the other hand, I’ve noticed that many times I’ll be having a series of good days, where things are going really well for me, and I am all too often tempted to not workout or meditate because I don’t feel like I need it. I’m feeling good so obviously I can skip it just this once, right? Well, once usually turns into several days, and before I know it, I feel like crap again. Sound familiar?!

This is why we MUST stay connected. During the good and bad times. It is the only way to keep the peace even when our outside circumstances are anything but peaceful. For me I stay connected through prayer, meditation, yoga, working out, reading books about positivity and spirituality, listening to music, writing, or being out in nature. Whatever works for you is fine, the key is to just do something to stay connected to the source! Otherwise, you will quickly deplete your supply and thus, keep reinforcing the cycle of negativity in your life.

 
2. Know that challenges aren’t bad, they’re simply strength builders sent to help you grow. I have believed the lie for far too long that if I’m feeling some level of discomfort, that the situation causing the discomfort must not be right for me. I used to take it as a sign that I was on the wrong path and that I needed to run away– fast. However, I’ve come to find that discomfort is usually a good sign that I am exactly where I need to be. If you find yourself feeling this way it simply means that you are growing!

God often sends discomfort or disruption into our lives to keep us from staying stagnant. He loves us too much to keep us where we are. If we never had anything come into our lives and upset everything around us, what would be our incentive to change? More than likely, we would never change if we always stayed comfortable. Sometimes God sends discomfort because it is the only way to annihilate negativity or fear-based thoughts (lies) from our lives. It brings these lies out of dormancy and makes us aware of them, which is ultimately the only way we can get rid of it.

Growth is challenging at times, I’m not denying that. And just like with any physical workout, it stretches you and takes you beyond anywhere you’ve been before. If it’s easy, you aren’t doing it right! The process of growth is hard, but once you’ve completed the challenge you will be so glad you did it and you will never the same. So don’t run away from hard times. Don’t complain about how hard they are either. Instead, see them as opportunities sent from God for your personal growth. Every challenge has a miracle hidden beneath its surface!

 
3. Know that peace only comes after obedience. We often wait or at least want to wait until we feel peace about a decision before stepping out and doing it. We believe that if we don’t feel a sense of peace (comfort) about it, or that if it doesn’t make sense logically, then it must not be God’s will.

However, a motto I always strive to live by is that ‘it’s not faith if you use your eyes’. God wants us to live by faith, and he typically won’t send us peace before we do something, because that shows no faith. All that shows is a trust in comfort and complacency rather than a trust in God. But God is that still, small voice within us that often makes no logical sense whatsoever saying, “No, do it first, and then you will feel the peace you long for.”

Peace comes after obedience, not before. You will feel peace afterward knowing that you went by faith and not by sight and trusted in God instead of logic. You will feel peace when you believe the truth that he wants the best for you, and that ultimately his ways are higher and more knowledgeable than our ways. We must always remember that he see the entire picture of our lives from his vantage point; we don’t. We don’t have all the details yet. Knowing this, we can easily move forward in discomfort, trusting that he is bringing the highest good for all through it, and that he will make a way even when there seems to be none.

 

4. Know that resistance blocks the flow of God in our lives. When we resist what is now (our present circumstances/conditions), or when we resist what we need to do in the near future, we are only getting in the way of God’s plan. Our resisting thoughts literally block the easy flow of God’s energy through us. This doesn’t mean the situation itself is easy, but when we obey God through surrendering to what is, instead of resisting it or wanting what we don’t have, we begin to feel an ease and a peace inside, regardless of the degree of difficulty on the outside.

Somehow our spirit’s seem to ‘just know’ when we are in our flow. It cannot be explained or comprehended, only felt. When we feel dread, tension, anxiety, anger or stress within ourselves, these are all clear signs that the channel through which God’s life energy can flow through us is blocked. The good news is that we can easily return to the life source within us through a simple prayer such as, “I witness that I am being blocked by fear. I forgive myself, and I return to love right now. I choose to see this situation through love.” A quick prayer like this can easily change your whole mindset and put you back on the path of love, where life flows through you freely and you don’t have to dread anything because you know that God has your back.

“I witness that I am being blocked by fear. I forgive myself, and I return to love right now. I choose to see this situation through love.”

What allows ordinary people to accomplish things that seem extraordinary is that they do the things others are unwilling to do. They know that talent alone won’t save them. There are so many talented people who let their dreams die young because they don’t want to put in the effort. They don’t want to be noticed. They don’t want people to talk about them. They don’t want to be uncomfortable. They want an easy ride, and if it doesn’t come easy they don’t believe it’s meant to happen. While of course belief is key to accomplishing a goal, actions are absolutely necessary too.

I refuse to let my dreams die. I refuse to settle for a mediocre life. I refuse to live only for the weekends. I refuse to live paycheck to paycheck. Therefore, I must rid myself of complacency, procrastination, dread, and yes, even my comfort, so that I can live out my dreams and make room for God’s will. Remembering these four things I’ve listed above every day will help me do just that, and I hope they will help you too!

So what about you? What do you do when you feel anxiety, dread, or even just a lack of motivation begin to rise up within you? If you have any tips, please share! I look forward to hearing from you! As always, feel free to share this blog if you resonated with it in any way.

Sending love and light your way,

Kara ❤

Three Things to Remember When You’ve Lost Motivation

As someone who now takes my life journey and spiritual growth very seriously, there is nothing I hate more than feeling like I’ve backtracked because I’ve taken time off.

Two weeks ago I went to see Lana Del Rey in concert at Bridgestone Arena in Nashville. It was such an amazing night that I honestly still have not fully recovered from yet! However, being away from home for a few days definitely got me off-track in regards to working out, doing yoga and meditating, which was expected while out of town, but after I got home I had a bit of a hangover feeling from missing being on my trip. This equated to having no motivation whatsoever to get back into my normal routine, so for a few days after I got back home I was extremely lazy. Ever been there?!

Fortunately after a few days of being home I said ‘enough is enough’ and started doing my daily workouts, yoga practice and mediation again, and felt tremendously better. I even started a new job and this helped me too because I’ve been worried about money, so all seemed to be going extremely well! Until Friday afternoon, that is.

About halfway through my workday, I remember taking a sip of water and my throat hurt really bad. The pain came on out of nowhere. A few minutes later my head started hurting, my throat was getting worse, and I felt so fatigued. Not to mention, I had to teach a class of third graders for another three hours. I felt terrible. I called off work for my tutoring job that afternoon and went home and laid in bed all night. I knew I was sick and was going to be all weekend.

Thus, in rolled the negative thoughts and I started to feel sorry for myself. I thought, “Why does this have to happen to me now? Just as soon as I start getting in the swing of things, I have to get sick. Now I’m losing out on money from tutoring and I’m getting behind on my workouts again. I can never catch a break.” I was feeling frustrated and pitiful to say the least.

I’ll admit, I’m a little bit of a baby when I’m sick. I’m also an all-or-nothing person. These two ARE NOT a good combination for motivation! So my mentality when I’m sick is, “If I can’t workout or do yoga because I’m sick, I guess I can’t meditate either!” Makes total sense, right? So here I am, five days later, starting to feel better physically, but now I’ve got all this guilt I’m carrying around for getting behind. I want so badly to do better, to be better, and I hate when I feel like I’ve begun to slip backwards.

Fortunately, now I have the privilege of knowing that holding onto this guilt is not going to somehow atone me, or make up for the days I’ve lost. If anything, it only adds to the sickness I’ve experienced. Therefore, I am choosing to see this situation differently, and I am choosing to let the guilt go.

Maybe you are here today. For some reason you don’t feel like you’ve been giving your best effort lately and you feel like shit because of it. But the thought of starting again sounds so dreadful or overwhelming. Trust me I get it. I’ve stopped and started too many times to count now, and it’s hard! But I will tell you one thing- if you have that desire to do something, that desire alone is enough to keep you going.

So push through the excuses. This goes for any goal you have. It’s hard to get out of our comfort zones and begin again, whether it’s been a few days or a few years! But there is something I want to share with you if you find yourself in this place today, in hopes to bring a little extra motivation:

1. Now is always better than later. If you start now, you’re one day closer than you would be otherwise. Think how grateful you’ll feel tomorrow. There is no better feeling than accomplishing something you needed to and didn’t think you had it in you to do. The first time gets that momentum you need going. Just begin! Each day is always easier than the one before.
2.  Your goals and desires are worth the effort. It does take effort to accomplish something great, but it doesn‘t have to be difficult. The only thing that ever makes it difficult is our thoughts about it. So if you’ve already decided that you want ________, then trust that anything you have to do to get _________ is worth it. Meaning, you won’t resist the things that you normally would by complaining or dreading them. Ask for grace to do these things and I promise you will receive it!
3. You deserve it. You deserve happiness. You deserve to be healthy. You deserve to live a life you enjoy. Don’t let your mind’s excuses hold you back any longer! Accept your desires and go after them with everything in you!

Below I have written a prayer for days where you might feel less than motivated and/or if your to-do list feels endless and overwhelming. You can say it out loud or in your head, whatever works best for you. I hope it helps!

And please let me know what you tell yourself when you need some motivation! I’m always looking for new mantras to add to my prayers and meditations 🙂

God/Universe/Higher Power,

Help me to only focus on this day and this day only.

Give me the strength to do what I need to do to get to where I want to be.

Show me how to not let tomorrow’s tasks overwhelm me today.

Lead me in the way you wish me to go, and help me do and say the things I need to.

Allow me to see the beauty in this day instead of just seeing it as a means to an end.

Show me how to access your grace and peace and let them guide me through every moment.

I trust that you have my back and are with me always.

Amen.

 

 

The Value in Being Present

Mindfulness. Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past decade, I’m sure you’ve seen that word around somewhere. You may have heard people rant and rave about how they meditate or the benefits they’ve received from being mindful, but what does that even mean and how does one do it? Until fairly recently, I was someone who didn’t quite understand the hype behind meditation. I wanted to be someone who was committed to the practice, and I wanted to have that peace that everyone said mediation gives, but every time I tried to mediate, I felt anything but peace. Instead I felt restless and my mind would wander, and then I’d get frustrated with myself for my lack of focus.

Not coincidentally, I was also a person who struggled with prayer. For me, prayer was very formulaic. There was no power behind my prayers. No belief infusing them. I only did it because I felt that I had to do it, as a way to give back to God. The act of praying was so strenuous because I couldn’t focus that I seldom did it, which caused a great deal of guilt within me.

Looking back knowing what I know now I wonder, why did I ever think I had to pray? I really thought I was doing God, the God of the entire universe, a favor? That he would be upset if I didn’t pray? That I would be punished for my lack of commitment?

It’s a bit amusing now, but it wasn’t funny at the time. I was extremely frustrated to say the least. I wanted to pray. I wanted a deeper connection, I wanted to be happy and anxiety-free, but the harder I tried, the further out of my reach these things seemed to be.

When you think of the word God, what comes to your mind?

I hate to admit it, but I used to imagine God how he is often stereotypically portrayed; an old man with a long beard dressed in all white, living in the clouds, watching me with pen in hand, making note of my every move… the often confusing thing about that image though was that this man was somehow also my father? To be honest, I didn’t always get that fatherly vibe when thinking of God, but if I had to, I would’ve likened him to a father that has good intentions and cares for his children, but he isn’t easy to get close to. I knew God was my father and I was grateful for him. I knew that he was the one providing for all my needs- but I was always hesitant to ask him for anything else. Not that I didn’t think he was capable of providing, it was more of — did he actually want to? I didn’t get the sense that he did.

Needless to say, prayer wasn’t enjoyable and it didn’t bring me the peace I knew that it should. Unbeknownst to me at the time, the image I created of God was exactly what was blocking any sort of channel I had for hearing his voice or gaining His peace ‘that surpasses understanding’. I was failing to see God as the ultimate source of power and love in the universe, and even more so as my ultimate and unlimited source of power and love. My prayer time wasn’t a two-way conversation with God as it should’ve been. In fact, it wasn’t a conversation at all. A conversation consists of at least two people communicating, meaning both are giving and receiving information. When I did manage to pray I was giving God plenty of information, but I rarely ever quieted my mind enough to receive insight and wisdom back from him.

Another thing I carried that hindered my progress within my spiritual journey and connection to God was the false belief that I couldn’t believe in God and meditate or become spiritually enlightened. I truly believed that these things were sinful. Sometime in my life I picked up the notion from society, church, and people around me that suffering was necessary in order to be close to God. At times happiness seemed sinful or selfish to me. So meditation as a means to peace and enlightenment wasn’t a possibility for me because I didn’t want to have to give up my belief in God. It’s quite ridiculous I know, but unfortunately sometimes the church and other believers make people feel that they must choose God or happiness, they can’t have both.

Little did I know that prayer in itself is actually a form of meditation. Meditation consists of quieting the mind in order to release negativity and receive guidance. This guidance comes from the universe or God, whatever you prefer to call it. Since prayer is simply the act of conversing with God, prayer and meditation go hand in hand.

A lot of people’s trouble with connecting to God comes from being too attached to the term ‘God’. We think of that old man high in the clouds, who is doing nothing but watching our every move and condemning us for our mistakes that I described earlier. When we think of God in this way, we make him out to be more of a superior human, rather than a God. This then leads to thinking God is subject to feeling anything but love toward us, but that isn’t possible because God is the epitome of love. God isn’t something that we can even create an image of. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and his ways are higher than our ways. Why should we, mere humans, be able to understand everything about God? As preacher and author Francis Chan stated,

“Not being able to fully understand God is frustrating, but it is ridiculous for us to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of comprehending. What a stunted, insignificant God that would be!”

-Francis Chan, Crazy Love

Just like with God, we often create a false image of love. We tend to only think of love as the romantic love between two partners, the one that can easily turn to hate over time. In actuality that isn’t love at all. That feeling is subject to change, and true love cannot change because God cannot change. True love is God in action. It is something we most certainly can have, however, we must choose love, rather than wait around to feel it. When we choose love, we are choosing to see God in that situation, person, or event. We choose to respond to all situations, pleasant or not, with love.

So many of us are frustrated and struggle with prayer and meditation because we create these false images of God. Thinking of God in any other way except as an all-knowing, all-powerful force of love sets us up for failure. We cannot connect with God if we do not know and recognize him completely.

We also struggle with prayer and meditation when we do it as a means to try and get something that we want, rather than doing it as a way to commune with God and receive his love. Whenever we try to control situations and manipulate outcomes, we are only getting in the way of the natural flow of the universe, which always brings out the best outcomes on its own. When we try to take over, we sabotage everything. We end up blocking miracles that would otherwise occur on their own.

Look at a flower. Do you see it TRYING to grow, TRYING to bloom? Of course not. It just does. It knows it’s intention, which is to grow and bloom, but it doesn’t worry about getting there. The same goes for a tree, or any other plant or creation of God’s. The clouds in the sky don’t try to rain. The sun doesn’t try to shine. We let those things function just as they are and we think nothing of it. It sounds silly thinking of those things trying to do what they are made to do. Plants, animals, and the natural elements don’t worry about meeting deadlines or avoiding storms. They just live out their purpose. So why can’t we trust our bodies and lives to do the same? Meaning, instead of trying to force things to happen in our lives, why don’t we just set an intention, and trust it to come to pass? If we do this, then we will no longer feel the need to set time frames because we know we will bloom at the exact right moment, or as the bible says, “In God’s timing”.

^“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^“

-Matthew 6:26-34, New International Version (NIV)

The same God that created plants, animals, the earth, the sun, the entire universe, the God that gives them life and being, created you and me, and is living within us, giving us being, this very moment.

So if we all have this power within us, why do so few of us in this world know it and access it daily?

It all boils down to the fact that the majority of us live under control of the mind. When the mind controls us, we will not live a life led by the holy spirit. Another term often used for the mind is ego. The ego is very strong, as it usually lives years and years without being discovered, if ever. The ego gets its strength from feeling special by singling itself out in some way. It lives for attention from us. So whatever form that attention we give comes through, the ego will take it; whether it be depression, self-pity, anxiety, doubtful thinking, pride, drama, fights, feeling superior or inferior to others, the list could go on and on. The point is, the ego feeds itself and gets its strength through our suffering.

The ego is constantly talking to us as we go about our day through analyzing, predicting, judging, fighting, dreading, and comparing. The disconnect from God happens when we believe that we are our ego, which is our thoughts and the feelings produced by them. We believe there is no “me” if our ego is gone.  If our egos die, if our thoughts die, then who would we be? Who is left?

The ego obviously doesn’t want to die, so it fights to keep the cycle going by continuously sending negative thoughts. The incessant chattering away of the ego blocks your communion with God and keeps you trapped in an unhappy, stress-filled life. The ego tries to get you to believe that without it you cannot survive. It makes you believe that it can figure things out for you and protect you through all of its worrying, dreading, and trying to make things happen. It makes you believe your negative thinking isn’t wrong, it’s necessary. But in reality, the only thing it really does is block you from God, because you cannot have the fullness of God, love, joy and peace in the same place where fear, doubt, anger, hatred, and despair reside. Until you are willing to let go of the negative thoughts and emotions, which can only be done by killing the ego, you will not experience enlightenment.

So how do you kill the ego? You kill the ego by observing it, because when you observe it you begin to realize it is not you. When you no longer identify with the ego, you gain the ability to instantly recognize the thoughts it sends as lies, and then you can easily refute those thoughts. When you do this habitually, the ego begins to die. This is what is referred to in the bible as “dying to self”; but contrary to what many believe it’s just the ego that dies, not the true ‘you’.

 “Very truly I tell you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be judged but has crossed over from death to life.

-John 5:24, New International Version (NIV)

So you might be wondering, what does meditation and being present in the now have to do with all of this?

Every negative thought or feeling we have stems from not being present in the current moment. These negative thoughts are either caused by too much past, which leads to depression, or too much future, which leads to anxiety. Meditation allows you to remove your mind from time, and puts you into the present moment, the now. This is so important, because as Eckhart Tolle says in The Power of Now,

“Nothing has happened in the past; it happened in the Now. Nothing will ever happen in the future; it will happen in the Now.”

The Now is all that exists. If you aren’t living in the present, you are living a false reality. Living this way is a guaranteed way to lead a miserable life.

Another great point Eckhart Tolle makes in The Power of Now is when he asks,

“What problem do you have at this moment? Not in an hour or tomorrow, but what problem do you have now?”

Ask yourself that. Can you think of one right this very moment?

The ego is always telling us that we have a problem, that we have something to worry about. It may even try to convince us that our worrying is just planning ahead, but that is a lie. You can plan ahead without living there, meaning not worrying about the outcome. Every so-called problem is always future-based, and is tainted by the lenses and experiences of the past. Simply put, it isn’t real! What can worrying possibly do to change or prevent something that isn’t even real? If you live to see tomorrow, tomorrow will no longer be tomorrow, it will be ‘now’. As of right now, tomorrow isn’t real yet. If you find yourself worrying about tomorrow, ask yourself if there is anything you can do now, and if so, do it, but if you cannot do something until tomorrow, which doesn’t exist yet, why worry? Nothing can be done if it can’t be done now, so your worrying about any point in the future is always in vain.

So honestly ask yourself, “What problem do I have right now?” That question alone puts you into the now. It makes you present. It usually shows you that you really don’t have a problem. All we ever have is right now. When you stop fighting what is happening now, meaning you accept your current situation just as it is with no resistance, you will live in a continual state of peace.

This isn’t to say that we don’t ever change or strive to grow into a better person, or that we stop setting goals. Quite the opposite. Once we get rid of the ego, we then have space to hear from God exactly what needs to be done for change or growth. We gain the ability to clearly hear God’s ‘still, small voice’ that directs us on the right path for your life.

If you are anything like I was, you may be thinking, “This all sounds great, but it’s easier said than done. How do you actually apply this? How do you stop the constant thoughts the ego sends? I’ve tried to stop but it keeps coming back. What am I doing wrong?”

Well first of all, let me say that the moment you realize you aren’t being mindful, or that you are thinking negative thoughts and shouldn’t be, that in itself is being mindful! However, it is very easy to start condemning yourself for not doing better right after this realization, and if you do this then you will quickly stop being present. Eckhart Tolle says that kind of scenario (judging yourself for not being mindful enough) is actually the ego sneaking in through the back door. So the moment you catch yourself letting your mind wander or thinking negatively, just observe the thoughts that come. Don’t judge them, or get frustrated with yourself for having them, because that only keeps the cycle of the ego going. Just listen to them, let them be. If you are feeling negative emotions, like anger or sadness, allow yourself to feel them fully. Don’t deny the feelings, don’t push them away. Witness them, forgive yourself and love yourself through them. You will then see that you are not your thoughts, because how can you be your thoughts and observe them at the same time?

When this shift of thinking occurs, you experience a radical transformation within. You will likely still have negative thoughts come to you for a period of time because complete transformation typically doesn’t happen instantaneously. The difference is that now you have the knowledge of knowing you aren’t your thoughts. You can easily bring yourself back into this awareness, and thus, back into peace.

“Don’t look for peace. Don’t look for any other state than the one you are in now; otherwise, you will set up inner conflict and unconscious resistance. Forgive yourself for not being at peace. The moment you completely accept your non-peace, your non-peace becomes transmuted into peace. Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender.”

-Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

From then on, you can go to this place of presence and stillness, and if negative thoughts come, you can observe them, remind yourself that they are not truth, and watch them float away as quickly as they came.

You can find stillness and meditation anywhere, but in the beginning of your practice it may be easier for you to go to a quiet place in your home or any other place where you can easily minimize distractions. Going for a walk or sitting still in nature is also a wonderful way to be mindful. Nature can help you practice mindfulness because it allows you to observe how other life forms go about their lives still and unworried, yet strong and resilient, regardless of their outside circumstances. We can learn so much from nature if we just take the time to watch and listen.

If I cannot get outside, I personally like to go to my bedroom, turn down the lights, light a candle or diffuse some essential oils, sit on my yoga mat and meditate. Bubble baths or bath bombs with candles lit are also another one of my favorite ways to meditate. Meditations can be guided (there’s tons of free guided meditations on YouTube!) or unguided. If you are going for an unguided meditation, you can just sit in silence and focus on your breath, or observe any thoughts that come and then practice releasing them. When you begin witnessing the ego’s thoughts it will leave because once recognized, the ego has no emotions to feed off of. Once the ego leaves, you will then reach a state of no-mind, or just simply ‘being’. It is an incredibly aware, present and peaceful state, almost indescribable, but when you reach it you just know. All I can say is that in order to truly understand what I am talking about you must try it for yourself.

I know that those who want to get started with meditation may be hesitant at first — I certainly was. I am still at the beginning of my journey but I have finally come to a place where I enjoy it and am reaping the mind, body, and soul benefits from it. If you want to know more, I highly recommend any books or teachings by Gabby Bernstein, Eckhart Tolle, Marianne Williamson, or Deepak Chopra. If you have experience or tips you’d like to share, or if you have any book recommendations on spiritual growth, please let me know! I hope you all have a wonderful week! 🙂

The Transformative Belief Essential for Everyone: I Am Enough

I am not enough.

Did you know that this belief about oneself is the common denominator of all other negative thoughts?

I love listening to any podcast that teaches self-transformation. I am always striving to learn about how to become a more peace-filled, joyful person. One of my absolute favorite people to listen to when I need some guidance is world-renowned psychologist Marisa Peer. From the first time I listened to her, I really resonated with what she had to say. After witnessing how simple yet effective her methods are and how well they have worked when applying them to my own life, I am astonished that so few therapists teach similar strategies to their clients.

Marisa’s whole philosophy on living a happier, confident, anxiety-free life is fundamentally rooted on these three words: I am enough.

A phrase so simple that its meaning is often lost. This is unfortunate, because the words ‘I am enough’ contain the power to absolutely transform your life if you make it a part of your core belief system.

I am enough. Say this to yourself, either in your mind or out loud. It sounds a bit silly or maybe even uncomfortable, doesn’t it?

This is because deep down in our subconscious mind where our core belief system resides, ‘I am enough’ is not there. The majority of us don’t believe that phrase to be truth.

It is not your fault that you don’t believe it. We live in a society that sends out very contradictory messages. Confidence is something to be admired, but be careful, because too much confidence is not okay. It’s often considered conceited or selfish. Most of us do not want to be seen this way. Our society also puts great pressure on women and men to be attractive and successful, and it promotes the need to constantly get more of everything. Our beliefs are a reflection of our personal experiences and what we have been taught by society. Ultimately, our beliefs create our reality. So, if you wonder why you experience fear, anxiety, depression, or a constant sense of wanting more all the time, these are the reasons.

We tell ourselves we want to be happy, but we go about it in an entirely wrong way simply out of ignorance. We think that just maybe if we gain the recognition, the likes, the promotion, the money, the dream spouse, tons of friends, the big house or the fancy car, then we will be fulfilled and complete, but we soon come to find that we never are. Eventually, we get used to everything, and thus, you very well could achieve every dream you ever wanted and it still wouldn’t be enough. You will then very likely become even more depressed, because after you get everything you ever thought you wanted and you’re still not happy – what is left? What’s the point?

Like any substantial problem, in order to truly fix it, you cannot just fix the surface or put a band-aid on it. Instead, you have to dig deep down to the root of the issue, pull it out completely and replace it with truth. In this case, trying to fix the surface would be telling yourself things like, “Don’t be anxious.” “Why are you depressed? You have nothing to be sad about.” “I’ll just focus all my energy on working hard and getting what I want. After I get it, then I will be happy.” These things we frequently tell ourselves in an attempt to feel better don’t work, because the core issue hasn’t been uprooted, seen as a lie, and then replaced with truth. The core issue of course is the belief that we alone are not enough.

If you truly believe you are enough, you will not need anything. You will not crave outside validation, fancy things, or a high status. You will still receive some of these things, as true security in oneself is a magnet for manifestation (but that’s a whole other topic for another day 🙂 ), and yes, it will be nice to get those things, and yes, you should display gratitude for them if you receive them. But if you lose them, or don’t get them on time, or in the way in which you yourself would choose, it will not rattle you. This is because you know that you are enough, just as you are, and you always will be. It doesn’t matter if others reject you if you believe you are enough. You won’t lose anything. If people say nice things to you, that’s great, but that’s extra; you don’t need it. Your happiness doesn’t depend upon their approval.

The funny thing about the mind is that it doesn’t care what you tell it, it simply believes whatever you tell it. Think about it. If you continuously tell yourself things like, “I’m so stupid. I could never do that. My life is pathetic. She’s so much better/smarter/prettier than me. He’s so much more successful than me. I’m worthless.” After thinking thoughts like this enough times, your mind is going to internalize it, and it will become an automatic thought response. With negative thoughts being your mind’s automatic response to any given situation, how do you think you are going to feel, both mentally and physically? Obviously not great, because your emotions are bodily projections of your thoughts. This is why we often feel sick or pain for unexplained reasons. It stems from too many negative thoughts over a substantial period of time, looking for an outlet.

Fortunately, there is a cure, and it really is quite simple. Since the mind believes whatever you tell it, begin to tell it great things!

As I mentioned, in the beginning of your practice this may be uncomfortable or difficult. You see, our minds like what is familiar and they avoid what is unfamiliar. Because praising ourselves is usually very foreign to our minds, our minds don’t like it. It forces them to work harder, and to be honest, our minds are quite lazy. They want to take the path of least resistance, the one that has been traveled many times over, because it’s easier.

But you are not your mind. You have a mind, and thus you can tell it what to do, with practice. So tell your mind you don’t care if it is uncomfortable or has to work a bit, you are going to praise and love yourself from now on. As Marisa Peer says, “Make praise familiar, and criticism unfamiliar.” You do this by praising yourself over and over again until it becomes the norm.

Teach your mind to only accept praise and to reject destructive words. How many times has someone complimented you, only for you to say something negative about yourself back? While you may think this is humble, it’s really only hurting you as it reinforces the mind’s negative beliefs about yourself, whether you consciously realize it or not. So the next time someone gives you a compliment, stop hindering your happiness and just take it! On the other hand, if someone says something negative to you or about you, choose not to let it in. If someone told you they hated you because you were an alien from Mars, would it hurt you all that much? No, because you know without a doubt that what they said is not true. You would just think they are some crazy person talking nonsense. Therefore, if you know without a doubt that their intentionally hurtful words, whatever they may be, (“You are so stupid, I hate you, nobody likes you, etc.”) aren’t true, then you can brush them off and move on about your day, completely unaffected.

Do you ever find yourself upset because you feel unappreciated or not acknowledged? What do you wish others would say to you? Do you wish your boss would tell you what a great job you’ve done, or do you wish your partner would tell you how attractive you are? Instead of waiting around for others to say it to you, say it to yourself. Yes, it might feel fake and forced at first, but over time it will rewire you mindset and will become a part of your core belief system. And again, if you do this, then you won’t crave outside validation in order to feel okay with yourself, because you will already be okay with yourself.

Your mind responds to two things, the pictures you make in your head and the words you say to yourself. Think about it- the things you’ve done in your life that beforehand you felt extremely excited about- what were you telling yourself? What were you picturing in your mind? I highly doubt if you went into something feeling excited that you were picturing embarrassment, failure, death, or any other negative scenario prior to the actual event. I also highly doubt that you were telling yourself how afraid you were, or how stupid you were going to look while doing it. You can’t have negative thoughts and a happy life!

So often, we wonder why we say we want something, but when the time comes around to do it, we feel another way. It’s all because of the pictures we have created in our head and the words we have said to ourselves about the situation.

Want to get in shape but never do? What have you been telling yourself?

If it is along the lines of “I want to workout….but it’s so hard, I don’t have time, I don’t feel like it, I dread exercising, I’m so out of shape it will take forever to reach my goals… etc.” Then guess what? Your mind thinks, “Working out?! You make that sound hard and painful. My job is to avoid all things painful. Therefore, I’m not going to give you any motivation whatsoever to do it!” And thus, we don’t work out, or we give up very quickly upon starting.

Or perhaps you want to move up in your career, but it requires a great deal of harder work than you are used to, or public speaking which terrifies you, or something else that makes you uncomfortable. You think you want it so bad, but every time you get ready to go to work or do what you need to do to get to where you want to be, you start to feel sick. Headache, nauseous, shaky, whatever form it comes in for you…why do you feel this way? Well, once again, what have you been telling yourself or picturing in your mind about this situation? More than likely, the accumulation of negative thoughts and pictures are the cause of these feelings.

So what do you do when you want to do something, but you can’t get your motivation up or your fear down? Tell yourself, “I’m choosing to do this, I’m choosing to feel great about this. I want to work, I want to reach my goals. I enjoy doing everything it takes to get to where I want to be.” Your brain will work with you when it thinks it’s doing what you like or when it thinks it’s doing the choosing. So tell your brain what you want, don’t let it tell you. You are so much stronger than any thoughts that come to you. Eventually, after much practice, once your mind is familiar with positive thoughts, negative thoughts may try to come, but they won’t stick. Your mind will instantly reject them because they won’t be aligned with your core belief system that says you are enough, and therefore you will be able to wave them away without any sort of confusion or resistance.

In conclusion, tell yourself “I am enough” repeatedly, everyday. Write it down. Post it in random places around your house. Set an alert on your phone that tells you this, whatever helps you. I promise the more you see it and speak it, the more you will begin to believe it. And once you start to believe it, your whole life will change. You will be happier, satisfied, and more confident. I am a prime example of someone who was always anxious, always unhappy, super insecure, and to be honest, felt quite hopeless. Now, I am the opposite of all of those things. Learning to love myself set me free.

To learn more about the concept of ‘being enough’, watch the full-length video featured below!

Embracing Uncertainty

Hey there 🙂 It’s been a long time since my last post, and that is because I was student teaching and finishing my final semester of college. It was one of the most challenging yet rewarding things I have ever done, and I cannot believe it’s already over. On the other hand, I have really missed blogging and am so glad that I now have more time to focus on writing!

It feels amazing to be done with school, but with the excitement of graduating, also comes the unsettling feeling of having no idea what I’ll be doing in this next season of life. For the past several years, I’ve always had the comfort of knowing that at the end of a semester comes another one. And while at times I desperately wanted to be done with school and move on with life, college did provide a sense of stability and security. Now that it is finally over, the possibilities of what I could do are endless, which is thrilling, but at the same time it also leaves me with the anxiety-provoking question: Which path should I take?

Have you ever been here before? You beg for change, you’re tired of the same-old routine, you want something new and exciting, and then change finally comes. Only now that it’s in your face, it’s kinda terrifying. You may find yourself asking questions like, “What should I do next? What job should I take? Should I make that big move? What if I make the wrong choice? How do I know this is right for me?” Questions like these have been consuming my mind lately. It’s easy to daydream about how wonderful a big change in life would be, but when it arrives and it’s time to start making some life-altering decisions, it can be very easy to fall into the trap of fear and self-doubt.

Fortunately, now that I have some extra time on my hands, I’ve been able to sort of press pause and reflect. What I’ve come to the realize is that although I don’t have a set plan, yet, I do know what I want and where I want to be within the next few years, and that’s a all I need right now. After having given my life to Christ almost six years ago, I’ve learned that he is always faithful. He has never once not come through. He may not have always come through right when or how I thought he should, but he came through nevertheless. Ultimately, his way is always better than mine. So in this season of uncertainty, I am choosing to trust. I am choosing to trust that he has given me certain dreams for a reason, that he has a plan for me, and that he will make a way even when there seems to be none.

I have learned that living one day at a time, sometimes even one hour at a time, is necessary for a healthy mind. So now whenever I start to feel fear creeping into my mind, I stop and ask myself: Why should I worry? It won’t accomplish anything! When I worry, all I am doing is trying, yet failing, to answer questions that I cannot possibly answer yet. I’m great at creating all these scenarios in my head, but who’s to say that the pictures I form in my mind are the way things are actually going to turn out? This isn’t to say I don’t have goals, or that I sit on my couch just waiting for things to happen to me. It just means that I am no longer going to get too far ahead of myself or caught up in the details anymore. I know that if I submit my plans to God, and continuously choose faith in his promises over worrying and trying to make everything happen all by myself, he will be faithful to provide me with a much greater outcome than I could ever create myself.

One of the most valuable things I’ve ever learned is that God does not tell us our whole life plan ahead of time for two reasons. The first of these is because he doesn’t want to overwhelm us. If we knew everything that was going to be required of us in this life, it would see impossible since we haven’t had the time nor the experiences to prepare us for those things yet. The second reason he doesn’t show us the way ahead of time is because if he did, what would be the purpose of faith? Faith is believing in things not yet seen, so if we knew how every detail in our lives was going to turn out, our faith would be useless because we would put our trust in the outcome, rather than in the God who makes the outcome.

So if you are entering a season of uncertainty, just know that it is a normal part of the process in this thing called life. It doesn’t mean you won’t find your way. You may feel weak now, but on the contrary, this uncertainty is the very thing that is strengthening your faith. I have no idea what all the upcoming year has in store for me, but I am releasing my worry and control to the one who already has it all figured out.

 

 

 

P.s. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season! And if you would like, feel free to share this post with others! I plan to be writing much more frequently now so keep checking for new posts! 🙂

 

Healing is a Process

Living with an anxiety disorder is challenging on the easier days and downright terrifying on the more difficult days.

Unfortunately, I know this from firsthand experience. Until recently, I lived with an anxiety disorder that manifested itself with intense physical sensations. I experienced all sorts of scary feelings in my body; panic attacks, upset stomach, shaking, derealization, headaches, weakness, dry mouth, hot flashes and dizziness were just some of the many things I would feel on a day-to-day basis.

These feelings typically came about when I was out in public, like being in a big crowd, or somewhere that it wasn’t easy to escape without being noticed (sitting in class, eating in a restaurant) or in places with a lot of stimulation going on. Loud noises and bright lights really bothered me. There was even a time period where I could not bear to go into grocery stores because of the loud noises and fluorescent lighting. I know it sounds crazy, but it was that bad. It came on fast and intense, and left me feeling terrified to leave the house for fear of what might happen.

Many times I backed out of doing things because I believed I physically couldn’t. I thought surely I was going to faint, throw up, go crazy or die. My body felt weak all the time. Anxiety made me depressed. I isolated myself and so I lost a lot of friends and missed out on many of the typical college experiences because my anxiety always arose while I was out. The craziest part was that all of these symptoms seemed to appear out of nowhere.

I used to have lots of friends, I went out to parties and drank frequently, and never had any issues feeling this way. I would’ve thought someone who couldn’t handle sitting in class or at a restaurant for two hours was a crazy person. So when this became my life so suddenly, I was sure something was wrong. I thought I was really sick. It couldn’t just all be ‘in my mind’.

I went to the doctor (even though that gave me extreme anxiety too) and was told that I was totally fine and healthy. Then I got really depressed because I didn’t feel ‘fine or healthy’ one bit. I wanted an immediate cure to my problem and I wasn’t getting one. I started to think, “So this is going to be my life? I’m going to be isolated from the rest of the world forever? I’ll never have fun or be happy again?” I started to believe that I would be doomed to a life of confinement in my house for all of eternity. I couldn’t understand why this was happening to me. It wasn’t fair. I was a prisoner in my own mind and I couldn’t escape.

Looking back now, five years later from when it all began, I can see that it was never random. In all actuality, the anxiety disorder I developed should have been expected. The only thing that surprises me now is that it didn’t manifest itself sooner.

My entire life I may not have suffered from a panic disorder, but I always lived anxiously. I had social anxiety growing up, and I always cared way too much about what other people thought about me… I obsessively worried about family, friends, money, school, boys, fitting in, you name it, I worried about it! I listened to negativity and drama from those around me and let it affect me, and I spoke negatively about myself and others. I did nothing to care for my mental health. I did not love myself, and I didn’t do anything I was passionate about. I didn’t have goals or dreams I believed I would accomplish. I didn’t feed myself healthy thoughts or practice self-care, ever. I always played the victim. It was always someone or something else’s fault that I didn’t have a better life. I had done nothing but feed my mind negative, self-sabotaging thoughts my entire life, so, it was no wonder I developed such intense anxiety at the age of 21!

What I didn’t know then that I do now is that your thoughts create your life. The thoughts you think have a DIRECT effect on your health. Your mind, body and soul are all connected and the well-being of one greatly impacts the well-being of the other two.

Think of it this way: Our mind is like a giant computer system and negative thoughts are like bad viruses that get in and infect it. One person says or does something that hurts you, or you listen to/partake in drama, negativity or gossip, then your mind processes it, internalizes it, and keeps it, like a file downloaded on your computer. We usually forget about the negative thought itself, but its’ effects are still there looming in our subconscious for years to come.

And the more we think negatively, gossip, or put ourselves down, the more used to negativity our mind becomes, and because our minds find so much comfort in familiarity, the cycle continues. Thus, the virus just keep getting bigger and bigger, you begin to internalize these thoughts as truth, and then when your mind becomes too full of them, they start to spread to other parts of your body.

Many times, your physical illnesses and pains are literally your mind crying out to you for help! It’s telling you something is not okay in here! The worried thoughts weren’t enough warning for you, so your mind has to get your attention another way. However, typically by the time you realize what’s going on, why your body is acting so strange, it’s too late. You can’t just stop it. You know it’s anxiety, you know it’s ‘all in your head’, but you can’t control the way your body feels. You’re in too deep.

This is what I would call rock bottom. The place where you feel you have no control over your life. You feel trapped in your own mind. In this place, you are always afraid. You never know how you are going to feel, or when the anxiety is going to arise. Life is draining, and it often feels hopeless. I know because I’ve been there.

But even though you can’t escape it, no matter how badly you want to or try to, there is some good news. You will get through it.

Believe me when I say I really believed I would never feel normal again. I begged and pleaded and cried to God to take it away, but he never did. I didn’t understand. I felt like he had abandoned me. I wasn’t hearing anything from him, no guidance toward a way out. I was angry with him for a long time.

As much as I wanted to, I knew couldn’t stay in the house forever; it just wasn’t an option for me. I had to force myself to do things like go back to school and work, otherwise I couldn’t survive. But after time and time again of forcing myself to go through class or work and sit through the anxiety, even though I was terrified, shaking, feeling like I was going to vomit, I couldn’t focus and my mind was screaming “Stop, leave, run, don’t go! Stay home where it’s safe!”, after sitting through all of those feelings countless times yet still surviving, I started to realize that anxiety couldn’t kill me. Then I began to see that it couldn’t really hurt me either. If I could just ride the feelings out, they would eventually dissipate. And after four years of feeling like I was going to faint or throw up or go crazy every time I was in a social situation, I began to figure that if it was ever going to happen, surely it would have by now, yet it never had. When I thought about it that way, that my worst fears literally never came to fruition not one single time, I began to call anxiety’s bluff.

Hitting rock bottom was actually a huge blessing in disguise. I had nowhere to go but up. My old life wasn’t coming back, so I had to recreate a whole new life, a whole new me. I was alone most of the time because I had isolated myself from people due to the anxiety. I had nothing else to do, so I started reading and found the love I had for it as a child again. I also studied anxiety and I learned all about it, which was very informative and helpful, but to be completely honest, nothing really changed until I began learning how to love myself and the power behind it. I quit trying to learn ways to stop the anxiety, and instead began retraining my mind toward positive thinking and self-love. Doing this was the catalyst that absolutely changed my life. Believing I am enough, that I can create my life and literally do anything I want to as long as I believe I can and put the effort in, has truly changed everything. It’s incredibly simple, yet incredibly powerful.

But as the title of this post suggests, this change did not happen overnight. It took time, and lots of it. It took hours of reading and self-reflection and forgiving myself. It wasn’t a linear progression, either. Some days I’d feel on top of the world, like I’d finally beaten my demons once and for all, and then something would happen and I’d have a few off days where I felt like I took 100 steps backward. But the key to my change was that I kept pushing forward despite the setbacks. I’m still working on it. I continuously have to replace negative thoughts that come to my mind every single day. I’ve learned that no matter how small or insignificant one negative thought may seem, I must replace it with love and truth so I don’t risk poisoning my mind again.

I will warn you: the anxiety will fight to stay. Our minds long for routine and familiarity, because it’s easy and comfortable. When you try to change your thinking, your mind won’t like it because it hasn’t been wired to think that way. My mind wasn’t used to love and positive thinking, so it felt forced and fake at first. But I kept doing it. I kept practicing it even when it felt phony. I spent time alone with myself, something I used to be afraid to do, and over time I began to enjoy it, then I began to need it. I started listening to inspirational podcasts. I found new people to look up to, people who lived lives similar to the one I wanted. I created a vision board. I started this blog and began writing a book. I began saying yes to things that got me out of my comfort zone. I started praising myself everyday and I’ve never felt better.

My anxiety doesn’t have much room to roam anymore. I’m too busy being productive to worry about most things. I am becoming so filled with love and light that there is nowhere for the negativity to stay. It tries to creep back in every now and then, the only difference is that now I see anxiety exactly for what it is, and therefore it can no longer control me. Anytime I sense anxiety within me now, I immediately capture it and throw it away.

I began to realize that this whole time my anxiety was just the result of my unhealthy mind trying to find some sort of outlet for the negativity. My body was only doing it to try and help me, so I forgave myself. Once I internalized this, I began the process of healing. It wasn’t quick. It wasn’t easy. It’s still ongoing, and I get the feeling that it will be for the rest of my life. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world now. Why? Because I am finally myself. It stripped me of absolutely everything I had, this false outer persona I used to put on for the rest of the world, and forced me to be more me than I have ever been before.

So I want to ask you today, if God isn’t taking something away, could it be for a reason? Is he trying to teach you something? I know that for me personally, I always strayed away from God really easily until my anxiety started getting bad. Anxiety always helped me stay close to him because I knew I couldn’t make it through the day without his divine help. Because of anxiety, our relationship is so much deeper than it was before. I also know that I wouldn’t be doing the things I’m doing now and living a fulfilling life that I love if it weren’t for anxiety taking my old life away and leaving me to start a completely new one from scratch, which ended up being the one I’ve always wanted. And last but certainly not least, because I’ve come so far from where I once was when I began experiencing such bad anxiety, I know without a doubt that I am capable of just about anything! Right now I’m living a life and doing things that I didn’t think were possible just two to three years ago! It truly amazes me every time I think about it.

So if you are in a bad place today, I just want you to know healing is a process. It’s a journey. It’s terrifying at times and amazing at others. You’ll want to give up. But then you’ll do something you never thought you could and you won’t believe how far you’ve come. It takes time, but it is so incredibly worth it.

I challenge you today to start seeing your toughest battles as blessings in disguise. Ask yourself, what can I learn from this? How can I grow and be a better person because of this? If you need someone to talk to or help getting started on your healing journey, don’t hesitate to reach out. As always, please feel free to leave a comment or share this post if it resonated with you!

I leave you with some words of encouragement, and also my all-time favorite bible verse.

Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he did in fact was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, “My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its’ own in your weakness.” Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size — abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

-2 Corinthians 12:7 MSG

 

New Beginnings

To be honest, whenever I look in the mirror as of lately, I don’t particularly like what I see staring back at me. It’s not that I think I’m fat, but my body definitely isn’t the one I want. 

The body I want is one that is toned, strong, healthy and has a high endurance. The body I want is one I believe I’m more than capable of obtaining if only I cultivate traits like hard work, persistence, and most importantly, belief in myself. 

I don’t have that body right now. But instead of berating my body, crying in a bout of self-pity, or blaming bad genes, a lack of time, and just the sheer difficulty of exercise and healthy eating in general like I always used to do, I decided to look at the situation logically. What I realized was this: 

The only one to blame for my disappointment is me. 

I could have the body I want. I could get toned. I could feel stronger and healthier. The fact that I don’t have the body I want is not due to a lack of time, money or experience. I can no longer blame my parents for not pushing me harder to be more fit during my childhood. I can’t do these things anymore, because it’s always been my choice to not lead a healthy life, even if the choice was made subconsciously most of the time. If I never obtain the body I want, I’m the only one there is to blame. 

If the old me was reading this, being told that getting fit was all up to me would’ve made me want to give in before I even got started. This is because ‘I can’t do it by myself!’ was always my go-to mindset. But now that I know the power of the mind, and that I can literally do anything as long as I believe I can, knowing that it’s all up to me takes the stressful feeling away! 

While it’s true that nothing else in this world can make me get into shape, it’s also true that nothing else in this world can stop it from happening either! It’s totally, 100% up to me. So with this new awareness, I am choosing to get fit and I am choosing to stay committed to my goals, no matter what challenges present themselves throughout the process.

I have tried to get in shape countless times before, but I could never make it past a month or two. This is because thoughts like, “I’m not good enough, strong enough, athletic enough… It’s too hard…I don’t have time… I can’t afford the gym…I can’t do that because of my anxiety… I’m so weak… I’ve been working out for a week and I don’t see any results…It’ll take years to get to the place I want to be, so why bother?” consumed my mind and kept me from staying committed to living a healthy lifestyle.

The list of negative thoughts I’ve had when trying to get in shape in the past could go on for hours. Thankfully, now I am not only aware of how bad negativity is for me, but I’ve finally internalized the belief that negative thinking does nothing but hold me back. 

I must mention, this new way of thinking certainly wasn’t an overnight transformation. Because negative thinking was engrained so deeply in my subconscious for years, it was definitely a challenge learning how to rewire the strong patterns that had been created within my mind. But I finally decided enough was enough. All my life I listened to and believed the negative thoughts that entered my mind. I always gave into the negative thinking, which is also why I would always quickly give up on trying to become fit. In my mind, I truly believed that fitness just wasn’t in the cards for me. This one negative thought led to negative words about myself, which led to negative actions, or I guess I should say in this case, a lack of positive actions in my life. 

You see, thoughts, words and actions, are directly linked and greatly affect one another. Since I’ve learned this, I’ve been on a journey of renewing my mind and changing my life to make it one filled with purpose and fulfillment. And once I changed my thoughts, things became increasingly better for me in this area of life. So when I looked in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw, I thought, “If this mentality works for my career goals, why can’t I apply it to fitness as well? Why can’t I get the body I want? Be as fit as I want? Be as strong as I want?” And then it hit me; I most definitely can! 

So I’ve decided I will. It’s going to be hard, and no doubt there will be many times I’ll want to give up, but I’m so sick and tired of not being who I want to be. Fortunately, getting to this place is actually a blessing in disguise, because it’s exactly where true change and transformation begin. As the lovely Elizabeth Gilbert said in her book, Big Magic, 

 

I’m tired of my excuses. I selfishly want this, which is good, because this is what it’s going to take to make this goal become a reality in my life. It must come first. I have to want it more than anything else. Besides, if I don’t start now, then when? I’m certainly not getting any younger, and I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. 

It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.

-Hugh Laurie

It’s not about being ready, it simply comes down to how badly I want it. I’ve come to terms with the fact that it is going to suck in the beginning; there’s just no getting around it. But I’d rather live through the pain of hard work and soreness, than the pain of regret, or the pain of feeling sick, tired, and insecure for the rest of my life. 

My body, and yours, love us so much. They work so hard to heal and protect us. I’ve decided that it’s about time I return the favor and show my body just how much I love it back. After all it’s done for me, I simply refuse to take it for granted and mistreat it anymore. My body deserves good health. It deserves love. It was made to be pushed. It was made for hard work and movement. I’m ready to give it all I’ve got. 

I am certainly no fitness or health expert. I’m just beginning this journey. So if you have any fitness tips or advice on how you got fit, or how to stay committed to a healthier lifestyle, please let me know! I will keep you all updated on my new journey, in hopes that you all will hold me accountable! If anyone else is going through the same thing and needs some encouragement, just let me know, I’d be more than happy to help! If I can do this, then you most certainly can too! We are in this together! Stay strong. 🖤

Choosing an Attitude of Gratitude: 10 Things I’m Grateful For

In today’s world, due to the presence of social media being so widespread, it’s very easy to get caught up in comparing our lives to those of others, or wanting things that we don’t have. This leaves many of us never feeling fully satisfied. I’ll admit, if I’m not careful, I have the tendency to fall into this trap of always wanting more, and comparing my life to the lives of those who I believe are happier or more successful than me, and then allowing this to negatively affect my mood. 

Thankfully, I’ve finally realized how unhealthy this is. I already have so much to be grateful for, and when I do nothing but complain about what I don’t have, I’m basically telling God all the wonderful things He has provided me with aren’t enough. That His love for me is not enough. I don’t want to do this anymore, because I love Him and the life He’s given me!

Luckily, there’s an easy fix for this, and that is choosing to have a grateful attitude. Everytime I practice expressing gratitude, my mood is instantly lifted, my stress vanishes, and I am reminded how good my God is. I also remember how He’s always provided for me in the past, and when this happens, the stress of feeling like I’m lacking something is gone because I know He is sure to provide for me in the future.

So today, I’m going to go a little deeper with my gratitude practice by sharing with you 10 things I’m grateful for!

1. Coffee 

First on my gratitude list is coffee, or basically anything with a few shots of espresso in it. Whenever I lose motivation to complete an important task on my to-do list, bribing myself with some Starbucks is almost always enough motivation to do the trick for me. Plus, it also helps my brain focus better on the task at hand. I honestly don’t know what I would do without my daily dose of caffeine!

2. Bubble Baths 

Call me crazy, but if they weren’t so time-consuming, I would literally take a bubble bath everyday! There’s nothing quite like the relaxation I get from turning down the lights, lighting a few candles, listening to music or reading a good book, and putting in a scented bubble bath or bath bomb. To me, it’s the perfect way to unwind and end my day. 

P.s. I really want that pink tub!

3. Books

I love reading so much this one could be put on the list twice. I’ve had a deep love of reading for as long as I can remember. There’s just something about the feeling that a good book invokes in me. When I find a book I love it truly feels as if I’m escaping into another world, and I find it very hard to get back out. One of my favorite things ever is reading a good novel on a rainy day in bed. Those days are much needed, and I’m so thankful whenever I get one!

4. Music

If given the choice of music or TV, I would choose music, hands-down, every time. Music is such an escape and stress-reliever for me. I love music that I can really resonate with, that allows me to create a story in my mind whenever I to listen it. I find the music I love is very personal to me, and I often have a hard time sharing my playlists with others because of this. I love so many artists, but my absolute favorite in the entire world is Lana Del Rey. She’s the best! Her music takes me to another world.

5. Long Scenic Drives

Whenever I am overwhelmed and need some time to recharge, I go on a long drive out in nature.  Really just wherever I can go to look at pretty scenery; preferably somewhere with lots of trees! Even if it’s only for an hour or so, just escaping for a little while is like medicine for my soul whenever I’m feeling stressed.

6. Impractical Jokers (TV Show)

Oh my gosh. Have you ever seen this show? Now I understand this kind of humor isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I find it absolutely hilarious. It’s about four friends who challenge one another to do crazy/ embarrassing things in public. It’s a competition-based show, and if one of the guys doesn’t do the given embarrassing task asked of them, they lose and then have to be punished in an even more humiliating way. It sounds dumb (it kind of is) but I laugh so much throughout the show that my stomach hurts, so I don’t even care! I guess you could say it’s my guilty pleasure. Every time I watch this show I’m instantly put in a good mood and for that I’m so grateful!

7. Family

Being both an introvert and an infj personality type, I often find it hard to connect with new people. Which is why I am so grateful for my family, and also why if you are my close friend, you are basically considered family to me. They know I’m a person who needs lots of space and time to recharge, and they happily give it to me.  But at the same time, they are always there if I ever need anything. I know I can be a complicated person and difficult to understand at times, which is why I’m so thankful that they just accept me as I am. Unfortunately, it took me too many years to learn to truly appreciate my family, but now I am so extremely grateful for all the sacrifices they have made for me and I want to do whatever I can to return the favor!

8. Summertime

There’s just no other time of the year that’s as wonderful to me as summer. I live for the days sitting poolside, going on spontaneous adventures, and just chilling in my backyard reading and writing. The days are longer and the nights are warmer, and I feel a certain freedom in the summer that I don’t feel any other time of the year. Simply put, everything’s sweeter in the summertime. 

9. Children

I may be a little biased studying to be a teacher and all, but I am so grateful for kids. I have none of my own yet, but I’ve spent several years working in schools, daycares, after-school programs and babysitting, and have learned some priceless lessons during my experiences. I admire children’s wild imaginations, as well as their ability to believe and have faith without first seeing proof. I  appreciate their ability to see the fun and beauty in life, how they remember what’s most important, and how they don’t take life too seriously. They are simply themselves, honest and not afraid to love. I used to be a child like this, but somewhere along the way, like most people, I lost my inner child. I traded her in for a miserable adult. Now that I’ve gone back to my childhood roots, I am so happy and life seems full of possibility. I know as an adult I have responsibilities, and I make sure to take care of them all, but after working with children so much the past few years I have once again become more free-spirited and relaxed. I’ve started to show more love to those I care about. I take time to do what I love, and I enjoy the small moments. There’s truly so much we can learn from kids if we’ll just take the time to pay attention.

10. My Body

And last but certainly not least, I’m grateful for my body and its’ capabilities. The fact that I can walk, talk, hear, see, smell, run, dance, work, and even breathe is truly a gift that I take for granted everyday. When I sit and think about people who can’t do one or more of these things and how much it would affect my life if I lost any of these abilities, I feel ashamed of myself for complaining about other things. When I look at it from this perspective, all my complaints seem so trivial. Because I had an anxiety disorder, for a very long time I only saw my body and mind as sick and weak, and I hated my body for feeling the way it did. Now I realize how strong I actually was to push through that difficult time period in my life, and I’m so blessed because that’s really the only major health issue I’ve ever had. My only regret in life has been waiting so long to get my mind and body healthy, and not making both my mental and physical health a priority earlier on in life. My body, and yours, literally work so hard to heal and protect us. Our bodies love us tremendously. I’m so eternally grateful for this body and life that I’ve been given. I just want to do everything I can to show I love it back.

So that’s my gratitude list! What’s on yours? I’d love to know what puts you in a good mood and learn about the things you’re grateful for! As always, feel free to share my blog with others, or comment below if this post resonated with you! Thanks! 💕